dying is the passion that was once me...

So I've come to the conclusion that not only do I hate God, but he hates me and refuses to let me have a normal life.  Fuck the story I got the other day involving carrots, eggs and coffee...I am the carrot, I can be boiled down, and I often am, I can't handle all the pressures that the world puts on me, and sometimes I want to cry...sometimes I do...I am the egg, I am soft inside, and no amount of boiling will ever harden me... I would like to be the coffee but I dont' know how to change myself let alone the world.  So here I am fucked, living in a fantasy that I have created to justify my existence.  Why do I let myself get into these messes? Why the fuck do I let anything get to me? I suppose its becuase I'm human and anyone with a shred of humanity lets the same things happen...but fuck, what's wrong with trying to first make myself happy, and for trying to make the rest of the world happy.  Is it such a hard concept to grasp?  I'm done rambling for a bit