This is my life...such as it is...

So I went to bed last night after screaming into my pillow for around an hour because my pain pills were not working so hot.  But yeah I finally fell asleep around two thirty in the morning, and that is when I began to dream.  It's weird that I don't remember my dreams that often, when I was a kid I remembered them all, but not so much anymore.  Anyway, I had this dream that I was hanging out with two other people, one of them was Tyson Lanes and the other I did not know.  I'm not sure why Tyson was in the dream becuase I have not seen him in five years.  Anyway him and I and this other person were jumping from top to top of these really tall pillars of rock until we came to one that was a shaft that led deep into the ground.  Anyway, we thought it would be cool to go down into the shaft, so I went first down the rope, and I have no idea where the rope came from...but yeah I was down there and it looked like someone lived down there, well I was watching the rope and the third guy that was with us came down and all of the sudden he got slashed from side to side and was dead.  Very gross.  Next came a weird shift, I was still in the room, but Tyson was gone, I don't know where he went, but now there was a girl who was also a prisoner of whatever just killed my friend.  Well it didn't take long to figure out who the killer was cuz he came back to take us away.  It was this creepy guy that looked like the little inbred guy from the movie that Jeff made me watch, I think it was called Wrong Turn.  Anyway, he throws us into the trunk of a car that had clearly hauled dead things before seeing as how we were now covered in fresh blood.  But he drove us to this abandoned school where somehow we got away from him and were hiding out in the rooms and whatnot, but for some reason we couldn't leave the premises, so the girl, who I don't know, but I love her, I know that, I am absolutely afraid of her getting hurt.  We hatch this plan to hide out in the back seat of the car we were brought in and wait for the creepy guy to get in to drive around and look for us.  So we're crouched down and after a bit he comes and gets in, then using my trusty Home Depot retractable pen I wrap it around his throat and choke him into the seat.  Just before he dies though I lashes out with a knife and stabs the girl I'm with.  He dies, and I am left to cradle the girl in my arms until she too, passes away... the dream ended with me feeling totally lost and wondering what the hell to do...  How fucked up am I?  So I woke up this morning, and I still felt the same way I did in the dream,  I have spent the majority of the day in bed wondering what the hell is wrong with me.  I have had no motivation to do anything, eat, talk to anyone, pretty much nothing and I don't know why.  I so far have questioned God, which got me nowhere, he's flakier than any of my friends.  Then I questioned my friends, and I decided that I need to work on a couple of relationships, and probably forget about a couple becuase they are not conducive to my positive outlook, which isn't so positive today but still... I'd like to say that all my friends are awesome, but well, a couple leave a few things to be desired...So after than I questioned my family, and that just left one big question, as to whether or not I have one, the only people I care about are grams gramps and my sis and dad, but even they don't really support anything I do and make me feel guilty about the things that I do anyway.  So yeah, that was my day and last night.  I dont' know what any of it means, and I don't really care, I hate fall, it makes me sad, winter is worse, am officially stopping the drinking because that only makes it worse, and I think I'm going to sign up for a psychiatrist and get on some meds.  Oh yeah, I forgot to talk about my feeling of impending doom for the last ten years, which is only that I have always felt like I'm not supposed to be here that long.  Like maybe I'll be gone by the time my thirty fifth birthday rolls around.  Who knows, maybe I'll Thelma and Louise it someday....