This is a revised edition of the blog that I was writing earlier, I have deleted huge portions of it since I didn't really feel like explaining myself to some of the people that would be reading it. For those of you who want to read the original you can look at it on my LiveJournal, most of it will be there shortly.
So I had this discussion with a friend today about how I feel about life, love, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, etc... and actually I have been talking to several friends about this, seems a lot of people knew me better than I knew myself, and such a lot of people know me now better than I know myself, these are of course the ones that have known me forever but still....I have also found out that I am a very complex person and yet I am utterly simple, it's a dilemna. For sure if I were completely honest with myself I would be more on the simple side, but alas I build my world around me to the point that sometimes I get trapped within the walls until they come crumbling down, and when that happens we chalk it up to another nervous breakdown... So let me say that I am still the person that I was ten years ago, but today I am so much more...and I'm not so sure that I like what I've become...I have realized in the last few days that I tend to surround myself with people and objects that will satisfy me for a little while, but I neglect the ones that are the pillars on which I am founded. I got an email the other day from one of my pillars, and it made me a little sad, and a little angry, really happy, and kinda confused all at the same time, talk about your emotional roller coaster. But in writing back I realized that I shouldn't have to write that email, it should all have been out there, stories told, emotions explained, and situations analyzed....long gaps like the one we went thru should never have happened. But it did, and that world crashed, and now I am left to rebuild, I only know that she will rebuild it with me.
So I had this discussion with a friend today about how I feel about life, love, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, etc... and actually I have been talking to several friends about this, seems a lot of people knew me better than I knew myself, and such a lot of people know me now better than I know myself, these are of course the ones that have known me forever but still....I have also found out that I am a very complex person and yet I am utterly simple, it's a dilemna. For sure if I were completely honest with myself I would be more on the simple side, but alas I build my world around me to the point that sometimes I get trapped within the walls until they come crumbling down, and when that happens we chalk it up to another nervous breakdown... So let me say that I am still the person that I was ten years ago, but today I am so much more...and I'm not so sure that I like what I've become...I have realized in the last few days that I tend to surround myself with people and objects that will satisfy me for a little while, but I neglect the ones that are the pillars on which I am founded. I got an email the other day from one of my pillars, and it made me a little sad, and a little angry, really happy, and kinda confused all at the same time, talk about your emotional roller coaster. But in writing back I realized that I shouldn't have to write that email, it should all have been out there, stories told, emotions explained, and situations analyzed....long gaps like the one we went thru should never have happened. But it did, and that world crashed, and now I am left to rebuild, I only know that she will rebuild it with me.
The next person, I didn't really talk to but thought about a lot, and analyzed the last ten times we did talk, and thought about the little notes I get from her, the messenger comments saying she loves me, also the same ones that make me feel super guilty about not getting ahold of her more often... but I realized she is one of the few that no matter the situation can make it better. I made a vow to myself to be better with our communication, knowing full well that communication isn't what makes are relationship unique, but also knowing that it is a nice perk. So I called her and for the first time I think ever, she DIDN"T answer, and I didn't leave a message, but when she reads this she'll learn the error of her ways, and I'll get a nice note :D
I realize that's a little choppy and confusing I'm sure, but only cuz I was deleting and adding little thoughts here and there, and then deleting some more. but it gets the point across to the two people that I want it to, they will understand it. There is a third person that I need to talk about, but she will get her own probably tomorrow night, cuz I'm super tired and I'm going to go sleepy now.
here are a couple of the deletions
I would like to say that I am an approachable person and that anyone can talk to me about just about anything and I'll most likely try to keep an open mind. I mean sure I'll probably disagree with you, but I will still respect your decisions. I really find that this is a very important trait with the upcoming elections and whatnot.
For example, one of my friends is my dad, coolest guy ever, but we butt heads on just about every political issue there is, but I obviously still respect him.
For example, one of my friends is my dad, coolest guy ever, but we butt heads on just about every political issue there is, but I obviously still respect him.
I will respect your decisions just as I expect you to respect mine, I tend to vote an equal mix of both democrats and republicans into office depending on how i feel that day...
The next friend I talked to, the conversation was about sex...and whether or not I thought it was a valued object in the world of love. Well after all comes down to what I think, I have decided that sex is purely an act of physical gratification. I mean yeah it can be better if there is an emotional attachment but then again, just being in the room with someone is better if you like them. That being said I believe you can completely, beyond a shadow of a doubt love someone without ever having a sexual relationship, in fact I think that sex actually ruins a lot of relationships. Really, I think most people that think that there is something missing in their relationships are actually just unsatisfied with the emotional aspect of there relationship, not the physical.
The next friend I talked to, the conversation was about sex...and whether or not I thought it was a valued object in the world of love. Well after all comes down to what I think, I have decided that sex is purely an act of physical gratification. I mean yeah it can be better if there is an emotional attachment but then again, just being in the room with someone is better if you like them. That being said I believe you can completely, beyond a shadow of a doubt love someone without ever having a sexual relationship, in fact I think that sex actually ruins a lot of relationships. Really, I think most people that think that there is something missing in their relationships are actually just unsatisfied with the emotional aspect of there relationship, not the physical.
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